Remembering

It's easy to remember some childhood memories, it's good to remember.

For me, remembering has become a challange, I'm thankful for what has come back to me in regard to remembering.

I will never forget the day before Dec. 3, 2009

I had taken on a ton of things, I was a grad student, part time worker and a mom, a wife and a friend. My life was consumed by my graduate work. I enrolled in grad. school as part of accomplishing a "dream" I developed years prior. I was looking forward to Christmas break from school and when that was over I would move into an internship to round out my grad. studies, which would eventually end with May 2010 graduation. You could say I was giddy and ready to be done. In one of my classes, I had a roughly 20+ page paper due, so as I sat at my desk on December 3, my focus was getting this paper completed so I could turn it in early and be done with it! Boy was I tired, I remember how tired I felt that particular day as I was researching for the paper. I decided to take a 5 min. break, so off I went to lay down for 5 mins and then I resolved to get back to it and crank out this paper. I can't tell you what I was wearing that day, but I know it had to be my comfy clothes, I can't tell you what we ate for dinner that day. Isn't it interesting what we remember? So I got up from my desk and walked through our kitchen and then down the hall to my room. I remember turning on the TV as I lay down, but I can't tell you what was on. I laid down on my bed and started to listen to whatever was on the TV, I knew Jeff was in the living room. As I lay on that bed, I remember hearing a loud "pop" and the feeling it came from the back of my head. The next thing I remember was screaming for bed. I remember the overwhelming sting of pain, but I can't remembber that feeling today. Suddenly I knew something was wrong, so I called out for Jeff. I remember when Jeff walked into our room that I was holding my head, but I can't remember the excruitation pain., I told Jeff you have to call 911, but I can't remembersaying anything else to him. Jeff immediately called 911. I distinctly remember the position I was laying on our bed because in those minutes that felt like a slow time warp, I remember watching Jeff pace in and out of our room while on the phone with 911. I remember I just wanted to shut my eyes, but Jeff kept saying, "no you have to open your eyes Angie, no honey you can't sleep" I don't remember vomitting all over our house, but I have been told I did. The last thing I remember seeing was Jeff pacing in and out of our room and thinking, dear God I don't want to die like this. That is the last thing I remember of it all. I don't remember the paramedics arriving at our house or telling Jeff it seemed like I was having a stroke. I don't remember being put in the ambulance or arriving at the hospital. Those details are just gone. I'm not sure why God allowed me to remember some of these finer details, but He did.

I don't remember much of the month long stay I had at the hospital. I barely remember anything about the hospital at all.

Remembering the good the bad and the ugly, should remind us of God's mercy. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God's presence was with me. I can't describe into words how I remember when I got home from the hospital, how much I wanted to experience God's presence like I did in the hospital. I don't remember I know, that while I was clinging to life in the hospital, I must have experienced something directly with God because I knew that dying wouldn't be bad. It's this memory I wish I had a better remembering of.

Remembering is a process I've come to realize.